December 27, 2011

I’m not even going to mention how long it’s been since I’ve posted.  I have decided that I will post a blog when I can, without guilt or “shoulds” attached.

Another Christmas.  I always feel like the Christmas holidays are divided into two: the crazy, gift-buying, extra-busy, frantic, fun, elf-on-the-shelf and Santa excitement, kids acting wild, secrets gifts hidden in closets and drawers.  And then there is the Advent season and the thoughtful, quiet, hopeful, penitent longing for a Savior.

I know I’m not the only one to feel the disparity between these two celebrations.

Our family tried to balance them this year, as we do every year.  Decorations in the house, shopping and cookie baking alongside nightly candlelit Advent Scripture readings and prayer.

And now Christmas has come and gone and the fun and crazy part has been successfully (and rather moderately, thank goodness!) accomplished.  The aftermath of which left me feeling moody and emotional and worn out.

Tonight I went out alone, under the guise of needing to purchase thank you cards, and ended up eating a solitary supper at Panera.  Just me and and my bowl of tomato soup and my journal.  I scribbled away about all the frustration and sadness and loneliness I’ve been feeling in the aftermath of the season’s chaos.  And, gently, sweetly, as I looked at my angry, hurt words scrawled on the page, I saw – again –  my need for a Savior.  Once again, the mercy and grace that God heaped upon us when He sent Jesus to this cold, messed-up, miserable world, where even “decent” people like me (!) and Dave and our kids and our lovely extended families –  even we struggle to get along and live by His law which is Love and His gospel which is peace.  (According to the Oh Holy Night song, at least.)

So with grief and comfort, loneliness and consolation, anger and peace fighting in my soul, I felt Christmas tonight, and am grateful for the Rescuer that came.


One Response to “Christmas”

  1. Cathy Hawkins said

    oh dear and lovely daughter… do you…my child…so wisely & succinctly express the heart of your mother? i am so blessed by your transparency…

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